Well the next part of our lives went so quick. As soon as Kane arrived the next day i was excited to see him i was losing my pain relief machine which i was nervous about. I was able to shower and get to the wheelchair i dont think my smile was any bigger i was so relieved that finally i would get to spend some time with my babies.
Arriving in the NICU was overwhelming so many machines going so many tubes, i felt so helpless they were my babies except i was unable to hold them or touch them. Even being in the wheel chair was sore but i pushed the pain aside to watch my babies every move. It was time for the doctors rounds so back up to the ward. The babies were tube fed their milk (colostrum) each received 1ml every 3 hours. Doesn't seem like much but when i was only hand expressing about 2-3mls each time it was as precious as gold! Unfortunately i didnt quite have enough for one feed so babies each ended up having 2-3mls donor breast milk the whole time the rest i was able to provide.
I spent as much time as i could by their sides, was hard at times as they were each in separate rooms at points so would spent limited time with each baby.
Was nice still being in hospital as i was able to go down whenever to see the babies i was still in a lot of pain and the constant moving also made it worst however i knew my babies needed me more. On friday i got discharged, we spent the whole day in the hospital and packing up my room which i spent a total of 7 weeks in was a relief. Although i was so nervous about being separated from my babies. The drive home was weird i hadn't been in a car for such a long time as well as my home. I was sore tired and sad, i was expressing every 3 hours so even though the babies weren't home i had to get up i found this hard as i could hardly walk far and getting in and out of bed was hard.
My mum, dad, sister her partner and kids arrived that night was so nice to see my family and was overjoyed although the constant pain from surgery and being parted from my babies was constant. The first week was the hardest week of my life not only was i overjoyed my babies were here but i was so tired from the long days spent at nicu, recovering and learning to establish my milk by expressing.
The babies were on CPAP which was the next step to breathing on their own, its like a mask over the babies face with nozzles into their nose, they were breathing on their own although this provided assistance so they didn't over work themselves. Kane was able to start changing the nappies in the second days he was nervous as they were so little. But was such an enjoyable time for him bonding with his 3 newborn babies. My first cuddle was with Indigo when she was 3 days old i was so nervous but as soon as she was placed on my chest it felt right and in the that moment i was in love all over again .. I was lost in the moment it was so precious and i finally got my first contact with one of my babies. As they were little and needed assistance they could only be handled when the nicu nurses thought they were up to it. The next cuddle i got was with miller and same again overwhelming love and joy. Esmae i got to cuddle when she was 7 day old. She was the most fragile and they were worried about her, but she loved having the cuddles and coped really well with them.
Miller was such a fighter he managed to be off CPAP on day 5 and proceeded into special care nursery on day 7, Esmae and indigo however were still having CPAP assistance.
When we would arrive home we both felt like we weren't parents as it was so hard my emotions were all over the place, i felt so complete at the hospital and then so empty at home. I really understood the phrase unconditional love and how much love i had for each of my babies. Kane also got a cuddle with Indigo in her first week which he loved and as they got stronger we got more cuddles! It made it all worth it. By the end of their first week i was finally starting to manage a lot easier with the pain and recovery i just couldn't wait to be able to have all my babies to myself. I knew we would be a few weeks away from that but that hope was what kept me going and talking to all the other mothers and fathers going through what i was in the hospital i made some great friends.
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