Well the next part of our lives went so quick. As soon as Kane arrived the next day i was excited to see him i was losing my pain relief machine which i was nervous about. I was able to shower and get to the wheelchair i dont think my smile was any bigger i was so relieved that finally i would get to spend some time with my babies.
Arriving in the NICU was overwhelming so many machines going so many tubes, i felt so helpless they were my babies except i was unable to hold them or touch them. Even being in the wheel chair was sore but i pushed the pain aside to watch my babies every move. It was time for the doctors rounds so back up to the ward. The babies were tube fed their milk (colostrum) each received 1ml every 3 hours. Doesn't seem like much but when i was only hand expressing about 2-3mls each time it was as precious as gold! Unfortunately i didnt quite have enough for one feed so babies each ended up having 2-3mls donor breast milk the whole time the rest i was able to provide.
I spent as much time as i could by their sides, was hard at times as they were each in separate rooms at points so would spent limited time with each baby.
Was nice still being in hospital as i was able to go down whenever to see the babies i was still in a lot of pain and the constant moving also made it worst however i knew my babies needed me more. On friday i got discharged, we spent the whole day in the hospital and packing up my room which i spent a total of 7 weeks in was a relief. Although i was so nervous about being separated from my babies. The drive home was weird i hadn't been in a car for such a long time as well as my home. I was sore tired and sad, i was expressing every 3 hours so even though the babies weren't home i had to get up i found this hard as i could hardly walk far and getting in and out of bed was hard.
My mum, dad, sister her partner and kids arrived that night was so nice to see my family and was overjoyed although the constant pain from surgery and being parted from my babies was constant. The first week was the hardest week of my life not only was i overjoyed my babies were here but i was so tired from the long days spent at nicu, recovering and learning to establish my milk by expressing.
The babies were on CPAP which was the next step to breathing on their own, its like a mask over the babies face with nozzles into their nose, they were breathing on their own although this provided assistance so they didn't over work themselves. Kane was able to start changing the nappies in the second days he was nervous as they were so little. But was such an enjoyable time for him bonding with his 3 newborn babies. My first cuddle was with Indigo when she was 3 days old i was so nervous but as soon as she was placed on my chest it felt right and in the that moment i was in love all over again .. I was lost in the moment it was so precious and i finally got my first contact with one of my babies. As they were little and needed assistance they could only be handled when the nicu nurses thought they were up to it. The next cuddle i got was with miller and same again overwhelming love and joy. Esmae i got to cuddle when she was 7 day old. She was the most fragile and they were worried about her, but she loved having the cuddles and coped really well with them.
Miller was such a fighter he managed to be off CPAP on day 5 and proceeded into special care nursery on day 7, Esmae and indigo however were still having CPAP assistance.
When we would arrive home we both felt like we weren't parents as it was so hard my emotions were all over the place, i felt so complete at the hospital and then so empty at home. I really understood the phrase unconditional love and how much love i had for each of my babies. Kane also got a cuddle with Indigo in her first week which he loved and as they got stronger we got more cuddles! It made it all worth it. By the end of their first week i was finally starting to manage a lot easier with the pain and recovery i just couldn't wait to be able to have all my babies to myself. I knew we would be a few weeks away from that but that hope was what kept me going and talking to all the other mothers and fathers going through what i was in the hospital i made some great friends.
Thursday, 21 November 2013
The day that changed everything - 30 weeks
What an accomplishment i felt to make 30 weeks! I was so proud of my three little troopers for hanging on. Reality was on our door stop at this stage as we knew this was the last couple of days before the babies would arrive and our lives would be changed forever!
So many emotions, i was getting more and more nervous not so much about the surgery but about their arrival what condition they would be in and of course becoming a triplet mum! Kane like always was a great support would help me through the times i wondered if we had made the right decision with delivering them on tuesday.
It was almost like time was in slow mo leading up til the big event .. Yet it also looking back went a lot quicker than i ever imagined. Looking back over my pregnancy which was soon to be ending i felt a sense of sadness as i knew i was protecting them as much as i could now but once they are out it is up to them to work.
TUESDAY 6th AUGUST 2013 - the most memorable day of our lives
With having a c section i was not aloud to eat 8 hours b4 the op so at midnight the night nurse brought me in a milo and some toast to keep me going til after the op. I managed to sleep off and on although the constant toilet visits and then trying to put aside all my thoughts made it difficult. At 5am the nurses came in to tell me to start getting ready, icant describe how i felt although putting my gown on and feeling my tummy and my precious cargo kicking i remember thinking enjoy those last few kicks babies coz soon youll be starting your fight to survive.
I called kane and said they were taking me down early, he rushed up to the room and managed to met me at the door b4 heading down to theatre. All of the nurses on wished me well although i have on another planet. Amazingly i felt calm and relaxed, when we got down there we were prepped and had the last moments as a couple. Our lives were about to change... A LOT!!
Next stage was the epidural and spinal block wasnt that pleasant but i thought it would be lot worst the inly annoying thing was i had to get it topped up 3 times as it wasnt taking affect .. This meant more waiting and freaking out, i could see some of the theatre and they had described to me what to expect. But as soon as i entered the room (without kane as he had to wait not sure what for) i looked around and seeing 3 set areas for MY bubs and justa mountain of nicu nurses doctors and midwives it really hit me.
As kane finally entered the sheet was up and he looked pale, i think this was when it become surreal for him too. They asked if i wanted to know when they started, i said no they said we already have! Thank goodness for the epidural! My head started spinning i felt cold i was shaking and i was about to throw up, i kept telling them i felt sick, they had a warm towel across my chest to keep me warm, i really was worried about that. They told me that i would start feeling pressure and they were right it actually felt like i was getting run over by a truck or getting kicked in the stomach my body keep jerking and i felt so uncomfortable and sore that they decided to top me up again as needed to keep me still and calm. They started the surgery at 10.05am and at 10.13 our first beautiful girl entered the world. Baby A was here and in that first moment of when kane and i become parents it was an overwhelming experience that i just cried and cried, in the spilt second of her entering she was gone, my baby girl taken to her crib to be assessed i think she made a slight sound but then nothing my heart was in my throat i now felt sick with worry is she ok is she breathing? But i had no time as it was now 10.15am and Baby B was here another baby girl my heart filled with more love it is understand to say how much love i felt to this new baby, she too was taken to her bay although if i tilted my head to the side i could kind of see them working on her. Although that was just as hard as all i could see was this little baby girl struggling to breathe. The neonatal doctor that was in charge kept telling me that they were good they were having some difficultly breathing on their own so needed extra assistance. Then the surgeon said i can only locate a leg, eeek where was my baby hiding .. But at 10.17am our baby boy (Baby C) arrived and he actually let out a little cry what a nice relief although like the others he was taking to his area and had them working on him. Kane was able to go around to see each of them although he said those first moments he felt sick with worry as our little babies really were working hard to breathe. The doctor came back to tell me that they were all doing well and were all on ventilators to let them rest (this machine worked as their lungs and keep them breathing).
Kane left as the babies left the room and went to nicu the neonatal intensive care unit. I was in the room full of strangers as they finished the c section. I felt alone upset and every other emotion as well my babies were gone kane was gone i just cried and cried and cried.
After they had finished i felt weird, although i was still highly drugged my tummy had gone down a lot and i just felt empty. I went through to recovery where kane met me after and explained that our babies were all doing well and had been weighed.
Baby A who got named Esmae Michelle weighed 1354g (2p 15oz)
Baby B who got named Indigo (Indi) Jane weighed 1351g (2p 15oz)
Baby C who got named Miller Benjamin weighed 1483g (3p 4oz)
And i finally got to see some pictures of beauties, even with all the tubes they were simply perfection! After awhile i was getting transferred back to the ward, i was able to bipass nicu and quickly see my bubs, i had vaguely seen miller and indigo but hasnt seen esmae since she arrived. It was surreal seeing them in the humidity cribs they looked so small but prefect. They were mine, i just wanted more then anything to hold and nurse them but i knew i couldnt. Then they said i had to go up to the ward i was thankful for those precious minutes. Back on the ward was weird it was like the world had changed except all i had was three photos reminding me my babies were downstairs fighting!
A few hours later and learning to hand express i thought i was ready yo go back down i was dying to see them again, the nurse said if u can shower and get in the wheelchair you can go down. Easy i thought.. However my body had a different opinion i managed with help to walk to the shower and had one, after trying to get dressed was when i went blank. I fainted thankfully in the arms of kane. And that was me for the next hour i remember trying to make my body listen to me but it was interested. I wasnt going anywhere in the shower chair kane holding my head i just wanted to get to the wheelchair. After fainting again that was it the nurses said what i knew was coming bed was the only place i was going. My babies would have to wait to tomorrow. Kane was able to go down every now and then to check them and give me updates. Then he went home i was having to wake every 3hours to continue hand expressing. Which was so hard without my babies although i knew it was for the best. What a day!!
So many emotions, i was getting more and more nervous not so much about the surgery but about their arrival what condition they would be in and of course becoming a triplet mum! Kane like always was a great support would help me through the times i wondered if we had made the right decision with delivering them on tuesday.
It was almost like time was in slow mo leading up til the big event .. Yet it also looking back went a lot quicker than i ever imagined. Looking back over my pregnancy which was soon to be ending i felt a sense of sadness as i knew i was protecting them as much as i could now but once they are out it is up to them to work.
TUESDAY 6th AUGUST 2013 - the most memorable day of our lives
With having a c section i was not aloud to eat 8 hours b4 the op so at midnight the night nurse brought me in a milo and some toast to keep me going til after the op. I managed to sleep off and on although the constant toilet visits and then trying to put aside all my thoughts made it difficult. At 5am the nurses came in to tell me to start getting ready, icant describe how i felt although putting my gown on and feeling my tummy and my precious cargo kicking i remember thinking enjoy those last few kicks babies coz soon youll be starting your fight to survive.
I called kane and said they were taking me down early, he rushed up to the room and managed to met me at the door b4 heading down to theatre. All of the nurses on wished me well although i have on another planet. Amazingly i felt calm and relaxed, when we got down there we were prepped and had the last moments as a couple. Our lives were about to change... A LOT!!
Next stage was the epidural and spinal block wasnt that pleasant but i thought it would be lot worst the inly annoying thing was i had to get it topped up 3 times as it wasnt taking affect .. This meant more waiting and freaking out, i could see some of the theatre and they had described to me what to expect. But as soon as i entered the room (without kane as he had to wait not sure what for) i looked around and seeing 3 set areas for MY bubs and justa mountain of nicu nurses doctors and midwives it really hit me.
As kane finally entered the sheet was up and he looked pale, i think this was when it become surreal for him too. They asked if i wanted to know when they started, i said no they said we already have! Thank goodness for the epidural! My head started spinning i felt cold i was shaking and i was about to throw up, i kept telling them i felt sick, they had a warm towel across my chest to keep me warm, i really was worried about that. They told me that i would start feeling pressure and they were right it actually felt like i was getting run over by a truck or getting kicked in the stomach my body keep jerking and i felt so uncomfortable and sore that they decided to top me up again as needed to keep me still and calm. They started the surgery at 10.05am and at 10.13 our first beautiful girl entered the world. Baby A was here and in that first moment of when kane and i become parents it was an overwhelming experience that i just cried and cried, in the spilt second of her entering she was gone, my baby girl taken to her crib to be assessed i think she made a slight sound but then nothing my heart was in my throat i now felt sick with worry is she ok is she breathing? But i had no time as it was now 10.15am and Baby B was here another baby girl my heart filled with more love it is understand to say how much love i felt to this new baby, she too was taken to her bay although if i tilted my head to the side i could kind of see them working on her. Although that was just as hard as all i could see was this little baby girl struggling to breathe. The neonatal doctor that was in charge kept telling me that they were good they were having some difficultly breathing on their own so needed extra assistance. Then the surgeon said i can only locate a leg, eeek where was my baby hiding .. But at 10.17am our baby boy (Baby C) arrived and he actually let out a little cry what a nice relief although like the others he was taking to his area and had them working on him. Kane was able to go around to see each of them although he said those first moments he felt sick with worry as our little babies really were working hard to breathe. The doctor came back to tell me that they were all doing well and were all on ventilators to let them rest (this machine worked as their lungs and keep them breathing).
Kane left as the babies left the room and went to nicu the neonatal intensive care unit. I was in the room full of strangers as they finished the c section. I felt alone upset and every other emotion as well my babies were gone kane was gone i just cried and cried and cried.
After they had finished i felt weird, although i was still highly drugged my tummy had gone down a lot and i just felt empty. I went through to recovery where kane met me after and explained that our babies were all doing well and had been weighed.
Baby A who got named Esmae Michelle weighed 1354g (2p 15oz)
Baby B who got named Indigo (Indi) Jane weighed 1351g (2p 15oz)
Baby C who got named Miller Benjamin weighed 1483g (3p 4oz)
And i finally got to see some pictures of beauties, even with all the tubes they were simply perfection! After awhile i was getting transferred back to the ward, i was able to bipass nicu and quickly see my bubs, i had vaguely seen miller and indigo but hasnt seen esmae since she arrived. It was surreal seeing them in the humidity cribs they looked so small but prefect. They were mine, i just wanted more then anything to hold and nurse them but i knew i couldnt. Then they said i had to go up to the ward i was thankful for those precious minutes. Back on the ward was weird it was like the world had changed except all i had was three photos reminding me my babies were downstairs fighting!
A few hours later and learning to hand express i thought i was ready yo go back down i was dying to see them again, the nurse said if u can shower and get in the wheelchair you can go down. Easy i thought.. However my body had a different opinion i managed with help to walk to the shower and had one, after trying to get dressed was when i went blank. I fainted thankfully in the arms of kane. And that was me for the next hour i remember trying to make my body listen to me but it was interested. I wasnt going anywhere in the shower chair kane holding my head i just wanted to get to the wheelchair. After fainting again that was it the nurses said what i knew was coming bed was the only place i was going. My babies would have to wait to tomorrow. Kane was able to go down every now and then to check them and give me updates. Then he went home i was having to wake every 3hours to continue hand expressing. Which was so hard without my babies although i knew it was for the best. What a day!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)